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my celebrity friends

February 16, 2012

My in-laws live in the Midwest.  My mother-in-law is the kind of tourist who visits us and wants to buy maps to star homes on corners and drive around LA looking for monogrammed gates to take pictures of with her disposable camera.  The crank-crank-crank noise of her winding the thing up makes me cringe.  This activity bores me to no end.  I think if she actually caught a glimpse of Ryan Seacrest taking his garbage out, her head would turn 360 degrees around on her neck, like a budgie.

She thinks that, because we live in California, we should just be running into celebrities at the grocery store all the time.  (She also thinks we should spend every weekend watching surfing competitions at the beach.)  It’s important to note we live in Orange County, not Malibu, so we would only have the hopes of running into Kobe or one of those Housewives.

Here are the ‘celebrities’ I have ‘encountered’ (using both terms very loosely).

  • Denise Brown – Nicole Brown Simpson’s sister.  Saw her at a Starbuck’s.  Gave her a “Sorry your sister was murdered and he got away with it” smile.
  • Andy Richter – went to a play in LA and saw him in the lobby at intermission.  Had a mild stroke from excitement.  Did not approach, played it cool.
  • The boys of Laguna Beach – when I was working at a local tuxedo shop (the cleverly named Friar Tux), they came in to get filmed getting ready for prom.  I personally measured Stephen.  I had to sign a waiver that my likeness belonged to MTV for eternity.  The footage hit the cutting room floor, thankfully.
  • Mitch Hedburg – saw him at the Improv.  Got a CD signed and a hug.    RIP, Mitch.

Imitated by many. Source: wikipedia.org

  • John Aboud and Michael Colton from (the now defunct) Modern Humorist (as seen on VH1’s “I love the <insert decade here>”) – again, at a theater in LA,  they were seated behind me.  Pop culture junkie that I am, I loved their website back then.  Kept peeking over my shoulder at them, resisting the temptation to stroke John’s eyebrows.

source: imdb.com

  • David Sedaris – Went to a reading, got a book signed.  Got totally starstruck and couldn’t form words.
  • Dick Clark – my mom was on the $20,000 Pyramid when I was a kid.  I was in the audience.  I didn’t meet Mr. Clark, but I was in the same room as him and he held up a photo of me after my mom lost and they ran the credits.  So I consider this a celebrity encounter by proxy.
  • Barack Obama – his motorcade drove past me when I was on a bike ride with my husband (then boyfriend).  We saw his decoy in an Escalade.  They were leaving Saddleback Church where Obama was being interviewed by Rick Warren before the 2008 election.
  • Kristy Swanson’s mom and that guy from Alien Ant Farm – both service their cars at the car dealership I work for.  Again, only an encounter in the sense that I was in the same building.

None of this is interesting.  I think even if I did run into George Clooney or Naomi Watts, I wouldn’t tell my mother-in-law.  It would only encourage her.  My mom, being a flight attendant, sees notable people all the time (like the original four girl line-up of Destiny’s Child) and gives them cocktails and hot towels.  My husband, who works at a golf resort on the coast, sees pro golfers like Tiger, and celebs getting married on the lawn, like Ian Ziering.  He saw Mark Wahlberg golfing one day (but, sadly, no Funky Bunch).

I like reading a good People magazine at the dentist, but with few exceptions, celebs don’t excite me much.  I’d rather run into a friend at Whole Foods than Sandra Bullock.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 16, 2012 7:20 pm

    Hilarious! I would have been giddy with excitement over John Aboud & Michael Colton myself.

  2. February 16, 2012 7:47 pm

    You are a woman after my groceries. If I lived near you, (I’m on the other side of the country) I would meet you in the fruit section of produce. Great post!

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